either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
