Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i love accidental penises.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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