bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
