Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
