He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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