the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize