idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
