My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
