my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
