Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
