Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
