Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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