Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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