I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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