I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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