why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
sex in a hospital.. check
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
