I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
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Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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