Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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