I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
