pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I will be naked everywhere
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
