your parents love me but you hate me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You are the jesus of drinking
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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