your thong is hanging out like whoa
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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