Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
