my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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