wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
They have beer where we have blood.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
