the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
