He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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