Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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