i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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