You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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