you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
