I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
tell me about the eggs
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