I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
