Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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