I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
