I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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