so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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