i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
