i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the condom got lost in my hair
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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