I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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