the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
third nipple confirmed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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