So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
