my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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