we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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