i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
