I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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