not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
