She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Randomize
