I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
