somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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