Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
