I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just invented taco cereal.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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