It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
