i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
