Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
