Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
