I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
