Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
