So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
