Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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