dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
